Here is the latest painting I’m working on. It’s something quite a bit different than cartoons or comics. I’m really enjoying it. I’m hoping to get it finished and ready to go into a watermedia show. We shall see.

I decided the best way to deal with rejection is to paint. Alright! A healthy way to deal! We celebrate Solstice at my house and I have always loved the Santa legend, so I decided to paint an old world Santa Claus. It was just going to be a quick, flat, yard decoration, but I really got involved in it. I’ve spent at least 15 hours on it already and I was aiming to get it done BEFORE Solstice arrived, but there was so much to be done. I also discovered that when I get into “the zone” Japanese drum music is an amazing thing to paint to.

We burnt a Juul or Yule log this Solstice. We also decided we are committed to this Solstice thing. I just can’t do Christmas anymore. I’ve tried. There’s nothing in it for me. So much focus on gifts and all the hassle of running and doing and the fights about what to call crap, like the Holiday Parade or the Christmas parade. Seriously, it’s gotten completely stupid and lost all meaning for me. I’m not very religious either. Spiritual, yes. Religion is too messy and suffocating and people do crazy ass things due to religion. That’s no reason to give up spirituality though. I love creating traditions or finding old ones that speak to me. T did a whole bunch of research on the Juul/Yule log and took the parts she loved from what she found. We found an oak log from a place we loved, holly leaves and berries, oak leaves and acorns and wrote 3 things each to be tossed into a fire.

We have a lovely fire pit and fire is extremely spiritual. Lighting a fire and enjoying it’s warmth just stirs my soul. So burning a Juul/Yule log was a great idea. And we did. On Solstice night. It felt really good. We put all of 2012 behind us. All the tears, all the fights, all the stress, all the frustration, all the joys, all the laughter. All of it. It burned with the log, the holly, the acorns and the three pieces of paper with our hopes and dispersed into the Universe.

Spirituality is a big focus this year. Learning and practicing on how to be the best Jedi I can be. Incorporating ritual in my life. In our lives. My biggest lesson last year was learning I had no idea how to mourn with my partner. We had no ritual or tradition and we really felt like we missed out on things we needed. Neither of us need or desire to participate in the traditional funeral, but we needed something. We learned a lot about each other and ourselves last year. I’m honestly a little surprised we made it. It was most certainly the most difficult year of my life.

Yet, so many amazing things happened. We went to our first ever Xena Convention in Burbank and we did it exactly the way we always wanted to. The Gold package and a photo op with Lucy Lawless while staying at the Marriott that hosts the Convention. It was pretty amazing. So amazing, that we decided we had to go back. We really missed those 8 am coffees while staring out at the mountains. The “Fish Dish” dinners…while staring at the mountains. The mountain air. The happy people. Lucy Lawless. She’s just so danged cool, man. Seriously. She’s taking tap dancing right now and I’m sure we will get to see a little bit of it, LIVE.

T got a real book published and another one contracted. Amazing. She also graduated with honors with her masters in Professional Writing. I entered a couple art shows. I actually entered. I didn’t get in, but I entered. Big step for me. I met one of my favorite artists in person. BROM. He seemed excited to meet me. Spectrum Fantastic Art Live! was awesome. I got to see Cindy’s house and crash in KCMO and release the ghosts of my past.

So many wonderful and terrible things happened in 2012. I still miss my best bud, Chris, every day. And who knew George Lucas would sell Star Wars to Disney?! OMG! New Star Wars in 2015! What?! Exciting!

So here it is, Jan. 2, 2013. Burbank is mere days away, the future is bright, and 2012 is in the past. We have a very clear goal this year. To laugh, live and love. To leave fear and sadness behind. To embrace the Universe and each other and to make art. So much art. Because as the oldest written story teaches:

“What you seek you shall never find.
For when the Gods made man,
They kept immortality to themselves.
Fill your belly.
Day and night make merry.
Let Days be full of joy.
Love the child who holds your hand.
Let your wife delight in your embrace.
For these alone are the concerns of man.”

-Gilgamesh

Dear Jen Tucker,

We regret to inform you that your work will not be included in the inaugural
edition of the National Weather Center Biennale. Artists from all 50 states and a
number of foreign countries submitted work to the National Weather Center Biennale.
We were thrilled, and challenged, by the overall quality of the work. The selection
committee had to make some very difficult choices. In an effort to balance the
exhibition with consideration for a variety of styles and media, a great many
outstanding works by some very talented artists had to be excluded. We hope that
you understand that the decision not to include your work is not a judgment on the
quality to the work or on your dedication as an artist. We are so thankful that so
many fine artists like you were willing to submit your work for inclusion in this
exhibition. We hope you will continue to support the exhibition and that you will
consider submitting work to subsequent editions of the National Weather Center
Biennale.

Again, thank you for your participation.

Very sincerely yours,

Alan Atkinson Ph.D.
Fred Jones Jr. Museum of Art

Berrien Moore Ph.D.
Vice President, Weather & Climate Programs

Director, National Weather Center

Erinn Gavaghan
Executive Director, Norman Arts Council

December 1st came and went without a word from the Weather Biennale Art Committee. December 1st was the notification date. I checked my e-mail like 100 times that day. Okay, two, but still. I was hopeful. Nothing. I told myself to give them one more day. How on earth could they not pick my work? I have a very healthy ego when it comes to my work. I have complete and total faith that my work is good enough. I am an artist after all. Not some hack. Of course, when I don’t get picked my ego compensates in unusual ways. Despite not being contacted, I was still certain I was getting in. They must be late in notifying everyone. That must be it. Low and behold, this morning I wake up to a Facebook post that they have indeed been behind and not to worry if we hadn’t been contacted. See? Nothing to worry about. So, back to waiting.

Art shows and contests are interesting creatures. There is almost always a fee. A hanging fee or entry fee or selection fee or space fee or something. You pay $25, $50, $75 depending on who is putting on the show, knowing full well that you might not even get into the show. It makes entering shows that much harder. You ask yourself if you think your work has a chance before you even attempt to enter. No one likes throwing away $50. Sure, it goes to pay the award to the art show winners, but man, handing over $50 to a show that didn’t even think your stuff was in the same league in order to award an artist, who many times, I think must have had an inside connection to get that award, blows. It’s like rejection with a slap in the face. No thanks, we don’t want your stuff and “Smack!” that’s for even thinking you could. Now, hand us $50 for insulting us. Ouch. That’s $50 lost that I could have spent on creating more art. It’s a fresh canvas or 5 small tubes of paint. It’s three new brushes or a couple of sketch pads. Just gone. I’ve skipped entering things do to entry fees. I just didn’t have it. Art isn’t a game for the poor.

I also find that I seem to be waiting for an answer before starting the next thing. Yes, your stuff is accepted. Sweet! Let’s create! No, your stuff is rejected. Okay. Hmm. Hang myself in the garage or go eat a bag of cookies and wonder what the hell I am supposed to do with my life and then go paint something. Yep, either way, I know I’ll never stop. I can’t. It’s what I do. I just hope it isn’t all really mediocre and that I spend my entire life creating mediocre crap that no one wants or sees. At least there’s the internet now, right? I mean, even after I’m gone, my art will still be there, in digital form, hanging around until the internet ceases to exist. That’s cool. That’s never happened in history before. I think of art lost to wars and fires and neglect and then I think about now. None of that will erase art being created now. What does that do to art? It’s almost like the cave art. That stuff that adorns ancient cave walls. It’s not going anywhere. It’s been there for thousands of years. The only way to get rid of it would be to destroy the caves or mountains.

So yeah, I’m still waiting. Waiting for congratulations. Waiting for good news.

Many people are participating in the internet social site tradition (yes, it IS a tradition) of posting every day what they are thankful for this month. I always enjoy this tradition because it makes me happy to see that some of the people that seem soulless and uncaring do have a bit of depth to them after all. Okay, maybe that’s a little hyperbolic, but it is nice to not feel like the only person to “get too deep” sometimes. I’ve joined in the tradition because I like outwardly expressing positive things about the world around me. So here are my first twenty. Enjoy:

Day 1: I’m thankful for the unconditional love of my Brother.

Day 2: I am thankful that my dog is always so happy to see me.

Day 3: I am thankful that the heater in my car works.

Day 4: I am thankful to have a base of my own. A place I can paint the walls green and black. A place that certainly feels like home.

Day 5: I am thankful that my partner loves to cook. I mean really loves to cook.

Day 6: I am thankful for complete silence.

Day 7: I am thankful for good conversation that makes me feel as if I’ve learned something.

Day 8: I am thankful for finding someone who has wanted to spend the last 16 years of their life with me.

Day 9: I’m thankful for the beauty that surrounds me.

Day 10: Snow days. I love them. Some people might complain and whine and moan, but here, in Oklahoma, snow days are magical. When it snows everything stops. You can go outside at 3 in the morning and it’s like a whole different planet. The smells, the sounds, the air itself is different. Renewing. Fresh. Not only that, but in Oklahoma, snow almost always guarantees at least one day off if not more. The more it snows, the more days off you’re likely to get. So this winter I sing, Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Day 11: I am thankful for people that support me. Sometimes they are friends, sometimes just people you met one time, sometimes, you’ve never met them. Yet, for some reason they bother to support you in one way or another. Sometimes it’s as simple as posting a hug on a bad day or “liking” a post. Sometimes it’s more tangible support, like helping you pay your bills by paying you for whatever it is you do. Sometimes it’s being that person that listens. Sometimes it’s being that person that makes you laugh. Sometimes it’s as simple and complex as saying “I love you”.

Day 12: I am thankful for the sunshine. Seriously. I love the sunshine. I love sitting outside and having the sun warm my back. I love the way it feels when you lay down on the carpet in front of a sliding glass door and the sun beams in and you fall asleep. Yes, I still do this. Just because I’m not 5 doesn’t make it weird. It’s weird that people stop doing things they enjoy because someone else told them it was weird. The winter can sometimes be really hard for me when it’s a winter with little or no real sunshine. So I am very thankful for the sunny November this year. I’m totally enjoying it! Once it goes away it better snow though.

Day 13: I’m thankful for the written or typed word. I suck at social activity. Especially conversation. I tend to voice things as they come to me. I have trouble NOT gearing the conversation to me. The written word allows me time to read over my conversation and articulate more accurately my thoughts and feelings. I absolutely love writing letters to people. Unfortunately, most people hate reading letters. I used to write T letters that would make small books before she moved here. She would write me back and I was always so excited to get her letters. So, yeah, I’m totally thankful we have a written language.

Day 14: Pants. OMG…I can’t tell you how happy I am that I can wear pants and that pants exist at all. Especially jeans. I feel so uncomfortable in a garment that is just open to the world. I realize now that it has more to do with my sensory issues, than anything else. The “hugging” feeling of security I get from pants isn’t there if there isn’t anything “hugging” your body. Winter is even better because I get dual layers. I wear long underwear under my pants as soon as it drops to the 60′s. So double pants! Totally thankful for pants.

Day 15: I am thankful for cake. I used to wonder why everyone was so upset in France when Marie Antoinette said “let them eat cake”. I thought that was a great idea!!!! Then I studied history. They didn’t have bread, much less cake. Poor bastards. I have cake! Cake from La Baguette. It’s delicious. I also have a friend and co-worker that makes the best cake in the whole world and often makes me one. A whole freaking cake!!!! Cake is my favorite food. If I was stranded on an island and I could only have ingredients for one food to make, I would hope it was cake.

Day 16: I am thankful for Restaurants. It’s cool that we, as a society, have decided to have these things. It’s cool that there are people that love to cook. It’s so freaking nice that on those days that you are utterly exhausted, there is a place you can go and eat and not have a mess to clean up afterwards. I do NOT take this for granted. Ever. So I am thankful for all the places that exist that I can go and get a good meal and all the people that make up those places. Thank you for ensuring that my belly is always full.

Day 17: I am thankful for Experience. As I get older, experience is something I rely on. It is also something that has helped others understand me and some of my social quirks. As you experience more, you learn more. It can even teach you that you aren’t nearly as weird as the people in that small town of 5,000 thought you were. You might be unique, but far from far out there weird. It can also help you deal and help you help others deal. Even though sometimes experience can be painful, it never fails to make you stronger and more able to understand others.

Day 18: I am thankful for Music. I freaking love music. I always have. My Mom used to get so annoyed with me always wanting to play music in the car or in my room or anywhere I went. Music fills my imagination. It makes the rest of the world disappear. It is fun, meditative, a way to get my frustrations out, a way to get “in the mood”, or just a soundtrack to whatever I’m doing. It defines certain moments in my life. I’m glad there are people passionate enough about making it that they fight the hard fight to get it out there. They bare their souls for us. It’s pretty remarkable.

Day 19: I am thankful for Guitar solos. I know, I said music for day 18, but guitar solos are a whole ‘nother thing. There’s something about a great guitar solo that can bring me to tears. It feels like my soul is being lifted and for that brief glorious moment, I can only feel all that is good and right and perfect. It’s why I love metal music so much. Metal = best guitar solos EVER. If I could only save one instrument in the world it would be the electric guitar.

Day 20: I am thankful for Courage. I’m so thankful that I don’t walk around everyday worrying about the end of the world. I don’t possess that crippling fear so many of the people I am surrounded by do. Instead, I am filled with Courage to only see a positive future. Courage to be myself. Courage to do the things I want. Courage to live my life. Courage to not fear my fellow man. Courage to love. Courage to believe. Courage to dream.

And there you have it. There’s 10 days left. I’ll update. Be safe this holiday.

It’s November. By far my favorite month of the year. I won’t lie either. It’s my favorite because it’s the month I was born. Most people I know don’t really celebrate their birthdays. They don’t want to talk about them. They don’t really want a party. They treat the day like it’s an average day just like all the rest. Not me. First of all, I NEVER work on my Birthday. It is a holiday. The sacred day of my birth. If my employer has a problem with this, I find it absurd and tell them so. There is never a reason anyone should HAVE to work on their birthday. Not in America. Not in any respected first world country. It’s a paid day off. This year my birthday is on a Thursday, so I get two paid days off! Thursday and Friday! I mean, what’s the point of taking Thursday and then coming in Friday just to be off Saturday? Right? That’s just silly. Birthdays are important. They matter. My birthday is like my New Year’s. I look back on what happened and how to improve my self and my station. This year was rough. The roughest of my life so far. I’m exhausted and have been so incredibly depressed. I’ve fought and found inspiration through musicians like P!nk and through artists quotes put up by the people over at Spectrum. I’ve found it in the possibilities I’ve seen my partner create by getting published, working book signings and going for that next thing. She’s already got another book contract. I’ve found it in the tireless volunteering and help one friend is always a part of. I’ve found it in my friend who has lost what I can’t even imagine losing and her ability to move through it with such grace that I sometimes feel it must just be my perspective that causes me so much suffering. And to some degree it is. I am working on that. Baby steps.

I have goals. Trying to motivate yourself to do them through deep depression sometimes seems futile. Just having them helps. I am happy I submitted a work of art this year. I am waiting to hear if it will make it in the show. December 1st. That’s when I’ll know. I hope I’m not utterly shattered to pieces if I don’t. I shouldn’t be. I’ll just have to get up again and try, try, try, right?

I am working on the Xena Web Comic little bits here and there. I hope it doesn’t just fall to the side. I really, really want to do it. I sit down sometimes though and realize how very out of practice I am. Muscle memory strains to remember. If only talent was real and I could magically pick up a pencil and draw at the level that was my best instantly. Things would be so much easier, wouldn’t they?

This month most of my attention goes to NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. I have a story inside that really wants to get out, so I’m writing it. So far, I’m at 13,000 words. That makes me very happy. Once it’s complete, edited and gone over with a fine toothed comb, I’m submitting it. I’m giving myself a time limit. Get it to 50,000 or more for NaNo, then I have 3 months to edit and clean it up. That’s it. Then it’s off. No stalling. I’m less worried about the writing than I am the art. I still have a portfolio to build and create for Spectrum by next May. It was one of this year’s goals. I have to do this.

So things are getting there.

I’ve started sketching and work on the Xena Web Comic. I’m determined to do this. Even through all this serious depression I’m facing. Depression sucks, btw. Anyway, I set up a poll over on my Xena Facebook page & asked which hairstyle the fans liked on Gabrielle best. I didn’t get a huge response, only 10 people and 2 might have been me, but it was enough to decide. Short hair 6th season. I worked up a new outfit for her as well. Something that took her into that next phase. She became a warrior in the last episode of Xena and that should now be reflected in her dress. I think it turned out pretty good. I’m in the process of researching temples and landscape in Egypt right now. Not exactly fun, but I want the look of the comic backgrounds to be authentic.

Part of doing this comic is about developing a comic style. Really getting my muscle memory back to where it used to be and beyond. Studying anatomically correct movements and the human figure better. Trying some techniques I might have been hesitant to try with my actual art work. This IS art work, but it’s a Xena Web Comic. I’m serious about it and hopefully my fellow Xenites will be as well, but for some reason I don’t feel any pressure from this project. I also really want T’s script to get out there in the world where those who love Xena can appreciate it.

This year I told myself, and my chosen family, that this would be the year I said YES. I have. I’m very happy about that. Now, I want to concentrate on saying it more often. So often that I don’t even realize there is another answer. Xena Web Comic? Yes. Art show entries? Yes. Travel? Yes. Illustration? Yes. Take my portfolio full of goodies to Spectrum in May? Yes.

The hand/wrist is still healing. I can grip a pencil again. I did a bit of drawing & rode the motorcycle to work. Taping it up with athletic tape seems to be helping. Gives it a bit of support. So I was feeling happy about that. Then the allergies struck. I’ve been sneezing my head off.

*Sigh* Maybe that’s why. I don’t want to take anything either. All that stuff makes me feel yucky & it makes me smell funny. Drugs do that to me. Make me smell different. Make food taste different. Make the days seem like a dream. I’d rather smell normal, not be able to taste & suffer through. My poor dog is all allergenic too. Poor thing. She’s miserable. I’ve been giving her baby Clariten. I can suffer. Puppies should never suffer. They are the greatest things in the universe.

Heya Campers! I’m pretty excited about this weekend. Why? Well, lots of reasons. First off is the theatrical release of the latest (and possibly last) Resident Evil flick. I’ve been an RE fan since the very first game came out & a Milla Jovovich fan since…well, Married with Children. Of course her role as Lelu in the Fifth Element really sealed it for me. I love that freaking movie. I also love Michelle Rodriguez & am very happy she is back in this one! I love the cast of the RE films! The films themselves are what I love most in a movie. Fun, exciting, not too serious (but there is a bit of seriousness underlying the fun), and just entertaining. I enjoy my movie escapism. I love it when chicks are the ones in the lead role kicking ass too. So yeah, pretty excited about that!

What else am I excited about?! Well, there’s Lavender. Yes, you read that correctly. Lavender. I have this huge beautiful Lavender plant in my back yard. It hasn’t seem affected by the drought at all. It didn’t burn to a crisp or wilt. So I got to thinking about Lavender & wondering what good things it does for you. I mean, besides smelling so good. I researched it & was very happy with what I found. Lavender increases oxygen in the blood, helps relieve anxiety, lifts mood, relaxes you, kills bad bacteria in your guts, is a natural anti-inflammatory (good-bye Advil), contain phytonutrients (natural super good stuff) and does so many of the things that T & I need. Excellent. I now have plans to plant Lavender all over the place. We picked the dried flowers from our one lonely plant last night & made Lavender tea. It was delicious. We both agreed our mood did indeed lift. We went to bed happy. I think perhaps for right now, Lavender might be my new obsession.

(Photo via Flickr by Hindrik S)

There’s more to be excited about! T has her second book signing at Full Circle books this weekend! Full Circle Books is the place I took her to meet Bruce Campbell on her Birthday way back over a decade ago. You know, Bruce Campbell, from Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, Xena (He played the King of Thieves, Autolycus). So T, who became a Bard (writer), who was inspired by the Battling Bard Gabrielle from Xena, which is the reason we met (IRC #xenafan), whose book came out on the 17th Anniversary of the first episode of Xena has a book signing at the place she first met the guy that played The King of Thieves in Xena. Pretty cool. Apparently it’s going to be a big to-do. All fancy smansy. I might have to dress up. That’s exciting. I never get to dress up.

Make sure to swing by this Saturday from 12 pm to 2:30 pm at Full Circle Bookstore, 1900 Northwest Expressway, Suite 135, Oklahoma City, OK73118 | (405) 842-2900

And last but not least I’m excited that my hand seems to be healing. I apparently tore ligaments & with much research, athletic tape, and ace bandages, I created my own splint & have been going real easy on it. So far it seems to be getting better each day. I managed to get a really good pop out of my wrist and it has improved quite a bit since then. So hopefully I will be able to paint in another week or so. Hooray!

As much as I wanted to believe that maybe my luck was changing, it looks like it isn’t really. In the post below you read that I went to a old school metal show. A 5 to 6 hour metal show. Well, I love to throw the metal horns while I’m rocking out. And I did. For hours. Apparently really passionately. When I woke up Saturday morning my wrist & hand were killing me.

I could barely move my right hand at all without searing pain. I couldn’t grip & I couldn’t pull or push with it. Meaning, most importantly, that during my 3 day weekend (Thank you Labor Union) I couldn’t draw or paint. *sigh*

I didn’t get much sleep Saturday night due to the amount of pain I was in. Sunday it seemed even worse. My hand was so swollen that I couldn’t get my ring on. If any thing even so much as breathed on it I was screaming in pain. WTF? Seriously? This is stupid. How on earth does someone screw their hand up this bad by throwing metal horns? I feel old.

Sunday I iced it, but had to have T help me do things all day. Sunday night, again, not much sleep. There was no way to lay it that it didn’t just shoot lightning pains.

Monday. Not much change. Swollen, painful, I can’t grip anything. I can’t pull my damn pants up or down to use the restroom. I can’t ride my motorcycle because I can’t pull in the brake. C’mon, this has got to be some sort of stupid joke.

Monday night…barely any sleep at all. It hurts worse than it has all weekend.

Tuesday. OMG this hurts. And is stupid. I managed to drive the car one-handed to work. It’s a good thing I’ve practiced using my left hand for so many years. I used to have nightmares I’d lose my right hand. My art hand. So I wanted to be able to use both. Equally well. Some things you just need two hands for though. Well, I do at least. I’m sure there’s some one-handed people that would laugh their butts off watching me struggle.

My work brace is missing from my office. I’m hen pecking this post out with my left hand. OMG, the pain is at stupid levels. 2012 has got to be the stupidest year ever.

Many of you know about my Armadillo story. If you don’t, remind me to tell you some time. The long & short of it is I was short $100.00 for rent & an Armadillo brought it to me. I’m not even kidding. Seriously. We now refer to that particular encounter as the Karmadillo encounter.

What happened last night is just as ridiculously unbelievable. I was at a hair band metal show, up front, packed in rather closely, with 6,000 other people. Lita Ford had already played, and Poison had just finished. For nearly 3 1/2 hours, 6,000 people were jumping, stomping, head-banging, and moving about. I was near the front & toward the center of these 6,000 people. Remember that part. It’s important. I sat down to relax between bands. I had brought a blanket with me.

Suddenly, the lady next to me taps me on the shoulder & points at the side of my butt. I look down & sitting beside me, on my blanket is a very small toad.

WTF? OMG! How on earth did a toad make it to the front & center of a metal concert packed with 6,000 people to sit next to me on my blanket?! How did it not get stomped? How?! What!?

(photo by Peter J. DeVries)

I could barely believe my eyes! I quickly scooped it up. It pee’d on me. Twice. That happens when you grab a toad. I told it it would be okay. I thought about how scared it must be. I sill couldn’t believe it made it through the crowd with no signs of injury. I hopped up and ran through the crowd, toad in hand. We were at the Zoo Amphitheater, so I knew there was a good place outside of the venue I could put it where it would be safe. I just rubbed it’s little head & kept telling it not to worry.

I got to the gates & the security guard was all “Whoa!” I looked at him, showed him the toad & said, “This toad got into the crowd somehow and I need to place it somewhere safe outside all these people!” He looked at the toad in disbelief, then smiled and told me to set him right by the gates. I told him that by the gates was not any safer & asked if I could cross the road to the grassy hill. He smiled & let me.

Over by the grassy hill was another security guard. He watched me like a hawk as I approached. I told him, “I found this toad in the crowd.” and explained I was just going to place it on the hill. He laughed a little & told me to “Go ahead” and then added, “You sure made him a happy camper.” I placed the toad gently in the grass and told it what direction to hop in order to avoid anymore nightmarish giant people stomping grounds. As I walked back the first security guard smiled at me and said, “Go ahead”. I said, “Thank you!”

I kept thinking about that little toad’s perspective. How it had miraculously avoided 6,000 people or 12,000 stomping feet. I like to think I’m not superstitious, but I won’t lie, when animals come up to me or end up sitting on a blanket at a metal show with me, I can’t help it. I mean, a freaking Armadillo brought me a hundred dollars once. Now, this little toad had made it through a crowd to sit next to me on a blanket. So, T, my partner, urged me to look up toads & symbolism.

Frogs are my default favorite animal. Kermit has a lot to do with that, but I have always loved frogs. They can climb trees, sail through the air in giant leaps, hold their breath forever, breathe through their skin, change sexes, have webbed fingers toes, swim like Olympians and sing to attract mates. They can also bury themselves in mud which dries up for YEARS and remain in a sort of Carbon Freeze type state. Toads have many of the same abilities. They are different animals though. So I looked up toads and symbolism. The first thing that came up was Chan Chu.

Chan Chu: The Money Toad. Appears when there is full moon.

WHAT!? There was a full moon last night!!! No way! C’mon, that’s weird, right? A toad just shows up on my blanket during a full moon at a metal show?

Chan Chu is a Chinese mythological toad that appears during a full moon & is said to bring a person wealth & protection from evil. Um, cool. They also represent luck. Especially changing your luck from bad to good.

I can’t tell you how relieved I was to read that. The bad to good luck thing. Just this one time I am totally going to believe in something mythological and be superstitious. I need to. And seriously…a freaking toad made it through a crowd of 6,000 to sit on a blanket with me at a metal concert on a full moon.

Here’s a couple shots of the newly rearranged bedroom to art room.

As you can see, I managed to decide to move everything BEFORE I finished Jem. No excuses now.

I also managed to make really good space for the shirt Screen printer. Hopefully I’ll be able to utilize it now.

There are a few things I still have to get off of it first. LOL. But that ain’t no big thang.

I love the way this room feels. There’s even enough room for dancing. I often take little dance breaks if a song I can’t help but dance to comes on. That’s another happy accident. The sound of the music flows better in this room. It fills it right. I’ve been playing Japanime soundtracks all day. All the Sailor Moon movie soundtracks, Howl’s Moving Castle & Spirited Away. I love Japanese Animation & all the wonderful music in them. They make me feel. Deeply. Something I’m not afraid to do.

Have a great weekend. I’m going to go paint now.

Sometimes we do things because that’s they way we learned things are supposed to be. We don’t even realize we are doing things that don’t make a lick of sense. For example, the biggest bedroom in my house is what I was using for sleeping. The Master Bedroom. It always sounds so fancy when you say Master bedroom, doesn’t it? No matter how small it is. Mine’s pretty small. 19′ x 14′ or something. It’s probably less than that. The room I was using as an art room is 12′ x 10′. With my art desk, the computer desk, the art cabinet & the easel all crammed in there is was hard to move about & not feel cramped. Almost suffocating. That doesn’t make for good Mojo or creativity.

It occurred to me that I was using the biggest bedroom in the house the least amount of time & for nothing more than sleeping & keeping my dirty laundry.

Why? I mean, once I realized what I was doing, it seemed really dumb. Of course, everyone I know uses the big bedroom for exactly that. The bedroom. My parents did, my grandparents did, most if not all of my friends do. It’s what we are trained to do. We don’t even question it. Of course, most everyone I know except me has a TV in the bedroom. That is & always will be an unchangeable rule. No TV in the bedroom. Period. If you have insomnia, I promise you, removing the stupid TV set from your bedroom is a great first step in curing it. You can’t reach REM with light patterns & noise going on around you. Not unless you’re 2 or 92.

I digress.

I decided that it made way more sense to utilize that extra space & to combine some of the other stuff in the house to go into the large bedroom. So, I did. It’s been 3 weeks & I am 98.9% done getting everything back into a place. The space has more natural lighting & more windows. Both things I hated in the sleeping room. It’s the warmer of the two rooms, which I love for creating. If I’m cold at all, I curl up into a ball & fall asleep. I can open both windows in the spring & fall & get a wonderful breeze. Refreshing. It feels right.

This Friday I will finish up & get that Jem painting completed. I’m so excited. It’s almost like having a whole new house!

Look! Jen Elsner’s new book is available for pre-order! Don’t forget. You know you want one.

Go here: Amazon

Jen E. is very excited about this. She worked long & hard & I really hope it’s a success. The book drops on September 1st!

Get some for any of your football loving family for the holidays!

Thanks everyone!

My sidekick is on vacation in Ohio. Her family lives there & we rarely have enough money for both of us to fly back. It seems we can never both get the same days off work either. So generally 2 or 3 times a year, I get left alone for a week or so. Well, not completely alone. I have the dog. Last time the bard left us alone, I was lying next to the dog on the couch talking to her when she took her paw & put it on my mouth. LOL. I kid you not. She was like, “Mommie, please shut up.” Ha!

I love this time. I can reset or veg out or just have some time to myself. This time, it’s particularly important to me. I’ve realized that I’ve been in a rut. I’ve allowed myself to fall into some pretty unhealthy habits. Watching too much TV. Sitting & talking & drinking high calorie caffeinated drinks for hours. NOT painting & NOT working out.

I get to remember what it’s like to be me, without T. I’m much more active. I may talk to the dog, but that’s about all the talking I do. I get to think. I don’t have to think about what to eat or how to fit this or that into my day. I eat when I’m hungry. I wake up when I want on the weekend I go to sleep when I’m tired. Simplicity.

T is a planner. She plans every second of the day. Frankly, it drives me nuts. I can’t stand it. I’m more like the dog. There is one thing & one thing only the dog wants every day. Her walk. She doesn’t plan anything. She doesn’t know how her day is going to go. She wakes up when I wake up, or on Saturday, when the tornado test sirens sound at noon. When it starts to get dark, if I haven’t taken her for a walk she lets me know, “Hey, Mommie, are we going?! It’s getting dark.”

I love to work out. Yesterday, I worked out for an hour and a half with free weights & all the gym equipment we have in the garage. It felt great. I jogged most of the way with the dog yesterday. I did the same today.

I eat much less when T is away. Sometimes I only eat once a day. I mean one meal. I might have a peach for breakfast, a Yogurt for lunch & then a meal. Sometimes lunch is my big meal. It depends. I just go with the flow.

I know I need these days to boost my creativity. Just letting things go where they take me causes a whole bunch of creative energy. It’s who & how I am.

So, I slept in today. Tonight, I’m painting. When I get hungry, I’ll stop & eat. Then, back to painting. I have no idea what I will do tomorrow. I’m not worried about that in the slightest.

(Picture Copyright Jen Tucker)

Friday was my Religious Holiday! May 4th! Star Wars Day! This year it was little more special because the wonderful bard I share my life with was defending for her Masters. She became a Master Jedi Bard. How cool is that? It’s no easy accomplishment, but she sure made it look easy. I am very proud of all her hard work.

She has a book coming out in August or September that I will be sure to post about as soon as I get permissions.

It is also opening weekend for the Avengers. I’m excited about that! However, I am disappointed that IMAX has made it to where I have to wait to get to see my movies in the Warren Theater Balcony. I don’t care for all the 3D halabaloo & I’m not sure I would be able to handle IMAX. Unfortunately, the Warren is only showing it in Director’s Suites & IMAX. I guess we shall see what pans out. So far it’s made over $200 million dollars in the box office. The best weekend opening for a film ever!

It was also free comic book day on Saturday. We totally forgot. I don’t know how that is possible, but we did. I of course blame the bard. We had her Graduation/defense party on the same day. Our wonderful friends Nick & Sara came out as well as our wonderful friends Holli & David, who just had a beautiful baby boy three weeks ago. It was their first night out since the baby.

I got one Roma tomato off my tomato plant this weekend as well! Hooray! All in all a pretty good weekend. Now, the bard is fixing dinner, baseball is on the TV (The Mets already won today!), and the weekend is drawing to a close. I hope everyone has a fantastic week this week. I hope I get some serious artwork started!

I do need to clean up the outline just a little, but other than that, it’s done. 

If you want to break into commercial design & start making a name, contests are sometimes a great way to do this. People start associating your style with your name & your name becomes familiar. The more contests you enter, the more people see your name & art & the more likely you are to get hired for other design jobs.

Threadless has a contest. Well, several contests you can do some designs for.  Some of the prizes are a little lame, like an email gift voucher, redeemable for one 12-inch by 12-inch canvas ($40 value).  Yeah, kinda lame, but like I said above, it isn’t about the $40 canvas, it’s about your name & your design & people seeing it.  Exposure.

Others, like the Sesame Street Challenge, give you a whole lot more.  2 grand more.  As well as bragging rights to a Sesame Street shirt.  How cool is that?

You might want to check it out.  There’s even a Neil Gaiman prize with one of the challenges.  They are all pretty good causes.

I am going to attempt this.  What is it?  Well, it’s lots of different things.  It’s sort of an Artist Convention.  It’s sort of an Art workshop weekend.  It’s sort of an illustration & graphic art expo.  It’s kind of a gathering of weirdos with drawing skills.  I’m pretty excited.  I have hopes.  That’s sort of a big deal for me.  Having hopes.  As the Wonder Woman painting post below proves, many times things just don’t work out right for me.  It’s cool.  I’ve come to expect that.  I’m pretty hard to disappoint.  I just hope I find some answers.  Get some leads.  Gather a better understanding.

There are workshops with titles like: Getting Started in Science Fiction and Fantasy, Artist as Brand, & Women & the Fantastic Arts.  There are one on one talks with artists like Mike Mignola & Brom.  There is even a life drawing session late at night atop the Aladdin sponsored by TAD.  Oh, and portfolio reviews.  I don’t even have a portfolio right now.  How sad is that?

I guess what I’m really looking for is direction.

I sure hope I find it here.  Or at least an arrow pointing to a path that might lead me to a direction.  I’ve never felt more lost in my life than I have these last few years.  I was always absolutely certain I was an artist & that I would make my living doing art.  Lately, though, I’ve wondered if I didn’t make some horrible mistake.  I have moments where the universe seems to be reassuring me, but sometimes I wonder.  I have to find a direction soon.  A path.  A goal.  I have to.

So, yes, I guess I have a few hopes going into this.  I hope they aren’t too unrealistic.  I hope I click.  I hope I find my peeps.  I hope I find my path.  Nothing too big.

Hey, I have a Flickr Page that I would LOVE for you guys & gals to go check out if you haven’t yet. Head on over to http://www.flickr.com/artistjentucker

Thanks!

If you look over at the top right hand corner of this here blog, you will see that i have added a gallery called Sketches & Misc. Art. This is stuff that has been hidden away in random sketch pads & has never seen the light of day. Some of it was drawn with the intent to turn it into something different, some to pass the time & some…well, who knows. I hope you enjoy. Who knows, maybe it will force me to do something with it.

Cool things have happened since my last post.  So many cool things.  I’ve met new people, published an article on Xena for real honest to gods $$$, and just made a deal with a publisher.  Weird.  I don’t know if I’m just more confident about saying yes or if things just keep aligning right. One thing I do know, is that the Universe loves me.  I can feel it.  There’s something amazing about just existing at all & sometimes the weight of all the crap seems to make me forget that.  Not today.  Thank you Universe.  Go check out my Xena article over at Lesbilicious, if you haven’t yet.  I also have a fan page for the Warrior Princess over on FB.  It’s called the Xena Netforum in tribute to that place all us Xenites used to hang out & chat about each episode after it aired.  Go “Like” it & join in, if you enjoy or enjoyed the show.

Well, Obviously I need to figure out how to set a Spam filter on WordPress. Good lord. Anyone wanna help me out with that? Chris, I’m looking at you.

Nothing new yet.  I know, I know, you can’t wait. Patience, young Jedi.  New things are bound to pop up this weekend. Hey!  Get your minds out of the gutter.  Nothing new really going on here.  I’ve got to tackle finishing that Wonder Woman painting. I’m nervous.  I really don’t want to mess it up.  It is seriously one of the best things I think I’ve ever done.  I really want to finish it, so I can get on to the next painting.  I have a whole series that has started with this Wonder Woman painting. I’m going to paint as many of my female heroes as possible. Sarah Connor, Wilma Derring, Xena, Princess Leia, and more.  They will all be different approaches & styles.  Keep coming back to see what’s new!

Have a great weekend,

Jen Tucker

So far, so good.  The amazing T has helped me get this little site going!  It’s still under construction & I plan to add more to it, but so far I think it rocks!  I took a three day vacation from my “pays the bills” job just to get ‘er up.  It was a great three days.  There was a home cooked pot roast, fresh ground Guatemalan coffee, bagels, fresh strawberries & blueberries, a trip to the theater to see “Thor”, that went along with the work.  Not too shabby!  Hopefully in the coming weeks you will see more features or widgets or whatever they call them pop up.  Hope everyone has a great Thursday!

Cheers,

Jen Tucker