I decided the best way to deal with rejection is to paint. Alright! A healthy way to deal! We celebrate Solstice at my house and I have always loved the Santa legend, so I decided to paint an old world Santa Claus. It was just going to be a quick, flat, yard decoration, but I really got involved in it. I’ve spent at least 15 hours on it already and I was aiming to get it done BEFORE Solstice arrived, but there was so much to be done. I also discovered that when I get into “the zone” Japanese drum music is an amazing thing to paint to.
We burnt a Juul or Yule log this Solstice. We also decided we are committed to this Solstice thing. I just can’t do Christmas anymore. I’ve tried. There’s nothing in it for me. So much focus on gifts and all the hassle of running and doing and the fights about what to call crap, like the Holiday Parade or the Christmas parade. Seriously, it’s gotten completely stupid and lost all meaning for me. I’m not very religious either. Spiritual, yes. Religion is too messy and suffocating and people do crazy ass things due to religion. That’s no reason to give up spirituality though. I love creating traditions or finding old ones that speak to me. T did a whole bunch of research on the Juul/Yule log and took the parts she loved from what she found. We found an oak log from a place we loved, holly leaves and berries, oak leaves and acorns and wrote 3 things each to be tossed into a fire.
We have a lovely fire pit and fire is extremely spiritual. Lighting a fire and enjoying it’s warmth just stirs my soul. So burning a Juul/Yule log was a great idea. And we did. On Solstice night. It felt really good. We put all of 2012 behind us. All the tears, all the fights, all the stress, all the frustration, all the joys, all the laughter. All of it. It burned with the log, the holly, the acorns and the three pieces of paper with our hopes and dispersed into the Universe.
Spirituality is a big focus this year. Learning and practicing on how to be the best Jedi I can be. Incorporating ritual in my life. In our lives. My biggest lesson last year was learning I had no idea how to mourn with my partner. We had no ritual or tradition and we really felt like we missed out on things we needed. Neither of us need or desire to participate in the traditional funeral, but we needed something. We learned a lot about each other and ourselves last year. I’m honestly a little surprised we made it. It was most certainly the most difficult year of my life.
Yet, so many amazing things happened. We went to our first ever Xena Convention in Burbank and we did it exactly the way we always wanted to. The Gold package and a photo op with Lucy Lawless while staying at the Marriott that hosts the Convention. It was pretty amazing. So amazing, that we decided we had to go back. We really missed those 8 am coffees while staring out at the mountains. The “Fish Dish” dinners…while staring at the mountains. The mountain air. The happy people. Lucy Lawless. She’s just so danged cool, man. Seriously. She’s taking tap dancing right now and I’m sure we will get to see a little bit of it, LIVE.
T got a real book published and another one contracted. Amazing. She also graduated with honors with her masters in Professional Writing. I entered a couple art shows. I actually entered. I didn’t get in, but I entered. Big step for me. I met one of my favorite artists in person. BROM. He seemed excited to meet me. Spectrum Fantastic Art Live! was awesome. I got to see Cindy’s house and crash in KCMO and release the ghosts of my past.
So many wonderful and terrible things happened in 2012. I still miss my best bud, Chris, every day. And who knew George Lucas would sell Star Wars to Disney?! OMG! New Star Wars in 2015! What?! Exciting!
So here it is, Jan. 2, 2013. Burbank is mere days away, the future is bright, and 2012 is in the past. We have a very clear goal this year. To laugh, live and love. To leave fear and sadness behind. To embrace the Universe and each other and to make art. So much art. Because as the oldest written story teaches:
“What you seek you shall never find.
For when the Gods made man,
They kept immortality to themselves.
Fill your belly.
Day and night make merry.
Let Days be full of joy.
Love the child who holds your hand.
Let your wife delight in your embrace.
For these alone are the concerns of man.”
-Gilgamesh
That was beautifully said. All of it. Laughing, living, loving, and creating are the most important things, and relishing in all of them is not a resolution, but an awakening. I am looking forward to it!