Hey there blog followers. *waves* Things are changing. Lots of things. Relationships, responsibilities, my view of myself, my view of the world, the world itself, and my body. Funny how drastic the changes have been to my body in my 30′s. I recently turned 39 and I can’t tell you how incredibly different my body and it’s reactions to everything have been in just the last 5 years. You start to pay attention to things you remember your parent’s talking about. Things like when you poop, or more like when you don’t poop. Things that have always cycled normally, don’t anymore. That weight you used to be able to burn at a drop of the hat if you put your mind to it…well, you really have to put your mind to it now. As well as your whole body, by taking it to the gym. Every day. Part of this I blame on the unbelievable stress I am under every single day, but some of it is indeed the fact that I am 39.
It’s not just my body though. It’s also my mind. I can feel it finally mellowing. All that anger I had carried with me about things in my teens and 20′s is just disappearing. My perspective is changing. I finally feel like a real adult. I’ve stood up for myself a bunch this year. I’ve decided not to give up my dreams. I know what I want and who I want to share it with. I’ve learned to let go of people that are a constant ball of negative energy. People that only want to argue. People that find ways to put you down and then try to laugh it off as some sort of funny friendly game. I don’t need them. I have those few that understand and love me. They are all I need. They are my strength and wisdom and shoulder and the person that tells me to shut up all my whining and do something. We are all struggling. Yet, somehow, we are all struggling together.
I’m going to submit a piece of art to be published. I know I might not make it, but you know what, I don’t care. I just want to say I did. I love this publication and it has inspired me for years, so I’m going for it. It’ll cost me some dough to do it, but even that doesn’t matter. I just want to. I want people to see my work. I don’t care any more if I make a single penny. I just want people to see it. If it gets picked, Hooray! If not, people that I admire still look at it. They get to see it. I would love to get paid to create art. I would love to pay my bills by creating and sharing and giving others what they need for a book cover or a gift or and album cover, etc. Right now, that isn’t happening, and for the first time I feel okay about that. I just want to concentrate on the work. I want to improve. I want to further develop my skills. That hasn’t happened in a long time.